You’ve seen those people who park their cars right up front by the entrance to a store, no? I hope you aren’t one of them. It’s one of my big pet peeves.
The following conversation happened entirely in my head just outside of our local grocery store. No people were actually involved in the conversation… and no real words were spoken aloud… but it would have been fun.
Me: Good evening kind lady visiting this fine store.
She: Good evening oddly friendly stranger.
(we talk like that in my pretend world)
Me: I couldn’t help but notice that you parked your car right in front of the store instead of using a parking place.
She: Indeed I did. Is that a problem?
Me: May I ask why you chose to park your car in what is clearly a driving and walking area?
She: I only need a couple of things in the store.
Me: I also only need a couple of things, yet I parked in an actual parking place.
She: I’ll only be a minute.
Me: I too am quite zippy in the grocery and was planning to be extra swift today.
She: I’ll just be in and out.
Me: Whereas I was planned on entering and never leaving this store.
(in and out… what a silly phrase)
She: My car isn’t really in anyone’s way.
Me: Perhaps true… unless people plan on walking to or from the front entrance… or driving through this main traffic lane of the parking lot… at which point your car is, by definition, in their way… and slowing everyone else down.
She: I put my flashers on.
Me: How thoughtful of you. Using your hazard lights tells us all that you were aware of the hazard.
She: What hazard?
Me: That sign there that you obviously misread as Reserved for Extra Special People in fact says Fire Lane and No Parking Here.
She: I left someone sitting in the car.
Me: Excellent. So that person can move the car for you now?
She: No, it is my 13 year-old son. He can’t drive a car. He’s just watching it.
Me: So why was his presence in the car a justification for your bad parking choices?
She: I didn’t see a spot up front.
Me: Nor did I. That is why I parked 3 rows over and 10 spaces back. Despite the distance, I miraculously made it up to the store in time to see you parking your car on the doorstep.
She: In the time you’ve been bothering me, I could have been done with my shopping and out of here.
Me: Had you been a bit more neighborly about your parking, I wouldn’t have had the compulsion to stop and have our little chat regarding your abuse and entitlement issues.
The conversation would then end abruptly as she walked into the store in a huffing rage. I would then turn and watch an entire row of carts break loose from a store clerk on parking lot patrol and smash into her driver’s side door.
I love happy endings.
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I thought I was the only one that had imaginary conversations with rude people.
“You seem to have 45 items…did you notice that the sign says 10 items or less?”
“Wow Mr. fat 45 year old man, it surely is a medical miracle that you’re pregnant – you definitely deserve the pregnant lady parking space more than me!”
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